Driven.
What exactly constitutes as driven? Is someone working towards a career more driven than someone working on healing themselves? No.In the past, people have said that I'm not ambitious enough. Fuck that. It's true that I'm not a college graduate or self employed. I'm not a CEO or VIP. I'm not a rich debutante and I'm certainly not an athlete. So what AM I passionate about? Greater spiritual knowledge. Learning and experiencing all I can in this world so that my soul can transcend into the next level of existence. Did I lose ya? :o) Let me put it this way: My success in life is measured by inner peace and knowledge. Money, power, fast cars and even faster women, although fun and exciting, are merely instantaneous. A flash in the pan. Distractions which halt our spiritual growth.
Everything I know, I've learned on my own thru self-education and personal experiences. That's not to say that I haven't had schooling. But what folks tend to forget is that educational books are written by people who isolated themselves in this one topic and usually only focus on one side of the issue. As children we are taught that there is only one way to write a sentence and one way to solve a math problem. Though those things are helpful in order to communicate our ideas and create masterful architecture; they are also limiting and can mute the child's natural curiosity about life.
For instance, in American schools history books there are chapters upon chapters on our founding fathers and the Egyptian pyramids but if you'll notice, all one sided. It's dressed up and polished to give this impression that America was governed by compassionate men and the mystical pyramids were built by willing workers. It's all bullshit! Power was the only driving force in both cases. These are the things you have to learn on your own, by interacting with others whose ancestors lived thru those times and stumbling upon restricted books in the library whose author was brave enough to write the facts. Elders, if your going to tell the story, tell it in it's entirety. Teach us about true human nature, both good and bad, so we can learn about ourselves as people and make our own decisions on how to live. Don't pump us with this heroic falsehood because all that does is teach kids that a)they'll never be good enough and b)only celebrate those whose success is greatly monetary.
So yes, I'm driven. I thrive to empower myself and develop mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm not ashamed to mention that I go to therapy or journal obsessively. Those outlets help me understand my character, how my emotions work, and why I do the things I do. Only knowledge and love will be important when I'm lying breathlessly on the brink of death. I won't ponder whether I should have stayed that extra hour at work or that my car insurance is due. Instead, I will be grateful for the people I've encountered over the years and bask in the glory of my own powerful soul. I will feel accomplished and ready to embark on the next chapter of my spiritual journey.
Sure, I have a great paying job in which I ROCK at and own a pretty car with a sunroof and V6 engine. I date hot chics and sex it up! I buy myself overpriced jewelry and decorate my skin with tattoos. I am working towards ownin a home so I have my own little space in the world. But these are not the things that will matter in the end. What drives me is acknowledged only by my mind and my accomplishments are celebrated quietly with those I choose to share them with. I have won every battle I've ever entered and I have plenty of fight left in me...
howled @ 8:43 AM {}
